“Just breathe and listen to the metronome. Follow it’s rhythm and… “
Will’s voice hangs in the smoky air. The candles burning around us and the small brazier between us fills the air with fragrant wisps and makes everything feel closer. I sit crossed-legged in the circle he guided me to draw. I was going to travel. My first time. Will was scared, but was trying really hard to hide it.
I breathe and focus my thoughts. He’s given me the images to hold to, the symbols and statements of intent I’ll need. I listen to his voice as he continues, offering guidance and providing a pattern to hold to. I breathe and let myself fall inward.
Falling. Floating. Sliding.
Underground, the path smooth and shifting, like fine dust or powdered sand. I can feel the weight of earth over me, around me. Bio-luminescence reflects off gemstones and knobby roots and fists of rock around the walls of this twisting cave. It’s beautiful, but it’s also a trap. Can be a trap, if you forget why you’re there. Will’s voice keeps me on track. Find the doorway, pass through to the next realm.
I keep down the path, deeper in to the earth. The path twists and curves and continues for what feels like forever before I find myself standing before a magnificent gemstone. It’s huge, it’s cracked and planed facets catching and reflect the soft light around me, making it appear to glow. I feel pulled to this giant gem and, without thinking about it, I raise my fist and smash it into the largest facet facing me. It shatters without a sound, revealing a dark passage through. I step into the gems face and I’m drenched.
With the suddenness of a dream transition, I find myself no longer in the dark of a cave, but the dark of underwater. I fight panic as I hold my breath, my hands and feet lashing out trying to orient me. There’s nothing around me, just darkness and water and shadows. Oh god, I’m going to drown here. I can feel the pressure of the water bearing down on me, trying to worm its way up my nose and down my throat. I can feel my pulse pounding in my ears and the panic getting a tightening hold.
Breathe, I hear Will in my head. Breath Robin, you’ve got this. Breathe and find the next door.
I breathe. I feel the water pour down my throat and my nose and I breathe it in. In and out, the water eddies around my head and my hair sways in the current. A current. I close my eyes and breathe and calm my heart, master the panic that almost took me. I feel the water around me and, there, just barely, I can feel a current washing over me, moving in a distinct, if barely perceptible, direction. No longer fighting, I feel myself being pulled along and I let the currents carry me, gaining speed. I feel more than see the doorway, I sudden vortex of swirling current suddenly yanking me forward and out.
Out. Out and falling. The water around me dissipates into a rainbow of scattered droplets as we fall through the air, everything suspended around me in a glowing colorful haze. Again, panic grips my heart and I thrash around trying to orient, to see something, anything, to get my bearings. Far above a sun shines through the haze around me, but beyond that there is nothing. Just the friction of air whipping past me and the companionship of the rainbow haze around me from the perpetual waterfall from the water realm. How do you find a door when there is literally nothing around you. Just mist and sun.
Will’s words again come to mind. And he thought I hadn’t been paying attention.
“It’s not real, over there. It’s a dream, and a movie, and real, and not all at once. Don’t assume that logic and reality rule there. I can’t tell you what to expect because they present differently to everyone who treads there, but I can tell you that just because you see it one way doesn’t mean it is.”
Ok, so if I’m not falling forever in a pretty haze then…what?
oh.
What if I’m not falling, but flying? I extend my arms out and tuck my legs together and will myself to move. I shoot off towards the direction I wanted.
“Are you fucking kidding me! Waaooooo!” And I’m off like, literally, a jet. The speed and the freedom of it is overwhelming. I pull out of the waterfall and spin to hover, looking at it. It’s beautiful and endless. The only other feature around me is the sun, still hanging overhead.
Well, it didn’t work for Icarus, but his wings were made of wax. I concentrate and the acceleration is exhilarating as I rocket towards the sun. Instead of getting brighter or warmer it shrinks. I approach a manhole sized hole in the universe, looking in on a sea of fire. Well, last stop and no sense stopping now. I don’t even slow as I blow through the hole in reality.
And the Dream turns again. With no sense of deceleration or stopping, I find myself standing in the middle of an ancient forest. Trees loom over me, towering all around me, their crowns lost in the clouds. Ferns and salal and the smell of rich, earthly loam surrounds me. Its stunning, so much vibrant life around me. The intensity of its abundance staggers me and I’m reeling. I barely register the first deers that go bounding past me. It’s the bear, crashing through the brush in it’s haste, that breaks my reverie. The forest is alive with animals. No, fleeing animals. Birds of every color, bears, and foxes, and deer and more, are tearing through the forest and flowing around the arboreal giants. The terror coming off of them infects me and I am frozen, unsure if I should flee with them or hide. Then I hear the roar.
From where the animals are fleeing, a roar like the blast furnaces of hell is building. Even the trees are no match to block the glare of the fires on the horizon and the sky is paint oranges and black as far as I can see. I’m running without thinking about it, the primal fear of fire gibbering through my mind. I feel the heat start prickling my back, and soon it’s near unbearable. Wisps of smoke or steam steadily flow from by clothes as I try to run harder, trying to focus my will to move like I just had in the air realm, but this reality doesn’t bend to my will this time. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Will warned me that there was dangers here, but I didn’t think I’d be fucking cooked alive.
No matter how hard I run, the fire gains on me and the heat is oppressive. Lady, it hurts! I can’t outrun it and I was going to die here. Fucking unfair!
Wait. Is it? What do dreams know of fair? I slide to a stop. As soon as I do, the heat falls away. Turning, I face the coming wall of the inferno. Lady, I will not die running. I love you Will, I’m sorry I didn’t listen harder, practiced more. I feel, no, I won’t call it peace but the primal terror fades. The fire is actually beautiful as it dances from tree to tree, eddies and vortexes and tornadoes forming and vanishing in a blink. All that vibrant life, consumed in a heartbeat. I drop to my knees, tears flowing freely from my eyes as I stare rapt at the coming maelstrom. A distant part of my mind registers that I can no longer feel any heat, but that’s probably for the best. Kneeling like a supplicant at prayer, I give my thanks to the Lady for experiencing this, seeing such beauty, for having my time with Will, oh Will, I’m sorry.
I turn my face up and close my eyes as the flames wash over me. I don’t burn, even as I feel my clothes burst into flames and fall away. Ash and dust and the caress of flame my body like a sea of lovers and ecstasy fills my senses. Oh lady, yes!
And it’s over as quickly as it began. I crack my eyes open, feeling the ash flake away from the skin around my eyelids. My body is coated with a fine coat of ash and soot, otherwise I’m naked. Standing in a field of wildflowers and dead trees. Crows hop and gruck among the spindly branches, deeply amused by this sudden intruder among them.
The meadow seems ringed by forest, but as I start walking they get no nearer. I always seem equidistant to the forest around me, in the middle of the wildflower field. My crow companions seem amused by this as well.
“You just got her, why are you trying to go so soon?” The voice is honey and sharp edges and laughter and threat. It’s hers. I’ve known it since the cradle.
“You…” I turn to the voice. There she stands, radiant and real. Her red hair flows past her waist and obscure her naked form, that peeks through in shockingly specific ways. She is beautiful beyond anything I had every imagined, but also exactly as I always pictured her. Down the to splash of freckles across her nose and cheeks.
“Me.” She smiles and the world seems to grow dimmer in comparison. “Go ahead, I know you’re dying to say it.” The bemused annoyance on her face makes me crack a grin.
“I thought you’d be taller.” My smile threatens to swallow my ears. Hers grows to match and, in a flash, we’re wrapped in each other’s arms. The hug is fierce and loving and I return it with a vengeance. Her laughter shakes us both.
“I was wondering if you’d ever come visit.” She pushes me to arm’s length and looks me up and down. “You’ve been taken care of, I see. I like that Will, for such a morose shit sometimes. You’re good for him and he’s good for you. “ She beckons for me to sit and we settling in among the flowers.
“I…yeah, Will…” I’m stammering. After all this, I wasn’t quite expecting to make small talk about this. Her laugh is light and easy. “Oh Robin, you have no idea why you’re here, do you?”
I just shake my head, smiling back “Nope.”
“Well, it’s easy. When practitioners find a way to tap into their gift through invoking a deity or some other power, they usually need to make a trip and check in with home base, so to speak.” I nod along. “Your gift, and it’s quite a gift if I do say so myself, comes from and through me. As you honor me and live my principles, pay me my homage due and, yes, love me, I can in turn lend more of myself when if you ask and if I deem it worth my attention. As you love to point out, I am a fickle bitch.”
The looks she gives me is sharp, but tempered by a bemused smile. “well, if the flowing mane fits.” I can’t help myself and the slap to my shoulder is playful but stinging. I rub it away as I grin at her. The smile she returns could dwarf the morning sun.
“Oh little man, this is why I love you. Even now, among all this magic and impossible, in front of me, you can’t help but push and roll the dice, just counting on that smile and that heart to lean things in your favor.” She shakes her head and I just think of Will and how often he does the same. “You don’t even know who I am, really, yet you love me and invoke my name and give me this form. It has been a very, very long time since anyone has truly worshiped this aspect and I, I’ve missed it. “ She holds a hand out and one of the crows, silent till now in her presence, grucks and swoops to her hand.
“Our time here is at an end, sadly, but what is needed done is complete." Standing, she reaches down and pulls me roughly to my feet like I was as light as a pillow. Her arms wrap around me and the warmth of her hug is like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, fresh baked bread, and fresh clean sheets all rolled into a single sensation of comfort and home. I hug back and she presses a kiss to my cheek that rings through my soul. “Good bye for now, Robin, my favored. Be my disciple and live well, till next we meet and part again. My servant will guide you, just follow him as he flies and do not stray. No, don’t give me that look, your luck isn’t enough to survive leaving the path he takes you on, so do not tempt it, not yet.“ She looks at me expectantly.
Instinct kicks in and I kneel “Thank you, my Lady. You are more beautiful than I could ever express and…just thank you for touching my life. I will live well every day, by the hand of chance and the short memory of the dice and the prepared mind. By, by earth and sky, blood and bone. Thank you.” I don’t know where the words come from, but the elation on her face tells me all I need to know about letting them out. I bow my head and feel her muse my hair, but when I open my eyes, she’s gone without a trace.
“Grr-uck!” The crow hops along the ground, pecking at my ankle. “Ok, ok, lead on friend, I’m paying attention now.” And with that, he leaps into the air and I follow as quick as I can on foot.
Gasping, I come to back in my body. Will is sitting across from me “…breathing. Just like that.” His eyes widen.
“You, you did it, didn’t you?” He’s staring at me, frozen. I breathe and get my bearings. Home, I’m home. My hands pat over my body, quickly. My clothes were there, nary a singe on them. “Holy shit….holy shit…”
Will presses a glass of water into my shaking hands and quickly pinches off the candles in the right order. I drink greedily, it’s cool and refreshing and, holy shit, I spoke to Her.
She kissed me, spoke with me, chose me.
“Come on, lets go lay on the couch. No, don’t try to talk about it yet, lets just go relax and let your mind process. You can close your eyes and just let it soak in.”
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